Last Saturday, I was aboard the LRT2 on my way to UST. We were supposed to be going to a community for our College’s Outreach, but it got postponed because of internal conflict. Okay, back to the real essence.
While on the train, I saw this guy, I think he’s about 17 years old, with a heart-shaped keychain on his ID case. Actually it is a frame with his girlfriend’s (I think) picture. I don’t know what has gotten into me, but I didn’t find it sweet or to put it simply, my mind didn’t go, “AWWWW!”
It wasn’t the first time I encoutered such thing. I have this guy friend with a personalized keychain attached on his phone, with his girlfriend’s (now I’m sure with this one) name. I remember having the same bling on my mobile phone during the time I was in a relationship. But again, the feeling wasn’t set.
Seriously, I was so surprised with this. I was once a fan of all those sweet nothings, but never did realize that I was in love with the idea of love. More than a couple of times, I can say that I really miss being in a relationship. You know, I just want to have someone to go to malls whenever I need to unwind, or just have that one person whom I can tell anything like how my day didn’t go well, or how tired I get during OJT duty. I once experienced it, once had the feeling of being important to somebody else, and being appreciated for the simplest of things that I do. I lost it, nearly a year ago, and a lot has changed ever since.
Whenever I remember that very night, and the day that followed, I can still feel the pain. I can still remember how my eyes bawled after hearing your words of goodbye and pain. But not of the same intensity. Yes, with all honesty, I will say that these wounds haven’t been fully healed. But I am very proud to say that I did not dwell in misery as well. And I was not able to do it alone. I got the best support system: my family, my friends, and God.
I have written a number of posts about how my family and my friends helped me, so I am using this time now to share to all of you how I found peace with God.
I have been raised as Catholic. I know the Seven Sacraments. I have memorized Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, etc. My family and I go to church ONLY on special occasions. I believe in God, but I did not know what His Son actually did for me. I know, and I will be accurate to say that I have a few number of friends who prayed for me during those times that I really need ’em. I never knew what prayers can actually do, and I can say it because the same happened to me. Yes, prayers are the most dependable weapon one could ever have. They prayed for me to have an open heart, and eventually, I did.
It is never easy to depend your life to someone you are not even sure if He truly exists. To surrender just about everything to someone you are not even sure if He is listening. Everyday, I am being tested. I pray for something, but it is not easily given to me. It is just like graduating. You have to write your thesis and answers lots and lots of quizzes and examinations before you can actually get hold of your diploma.
It is God’s will that I saw a block mate of mine to hold this particular book. It was a book about dating, or so I thought. So I borrowed it from her, and read the back cover. I became more excited to read it for I found out that it is about letting go of something you want and having a deeper and closer relationship with God. I am just approaching its 100th page, and I can say that my view about relationship and dating has been renewed. Not because I was influenced by the author’s views, but I am beginning to understand the difference between worldly and Godly love. To simply put it, worldly love is more on loving for our own good and interest, and Godly love is reaching out to all, even to those who don’t deserve it.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
I may not appreciate now those lovey-dovey sweetie thingies, but I shall meet the one, in time. In God’s time it is.