Talking is the most therapeutic thing for me. I just feel important when someone is willing to listen to what I say. I have a couple of friends of whom I can turn to whenever I get depressed, or I just want to talk my feelings out. And even though I do the talking 70% of the time, they don’t get tired of listening. I just hope they won’t get tired, EVER, because they know about how of a big thing talking to me is.
I know the list goes on when it comes to the most therapeutic things in my life, but I will mention the second one. Blogging. I’ve come to the point of my life where I put on the Internet just about anything that happens to my day-to-day life. I sometimes think that maybe, I am putting so much personal stuff out there. But no. I mean, I control my posts, and I think I am not crossing the line. I believe that as long as this is up in the Internet, someone is reading it.
I have the habit of isolating myself whenever I get depressed. I don’t go online. I place my phone in my drawer. I don’t even get hold of my laptop just so I will not log into any of those social sites. But I can’t stand it. After a few hours of “isolation,” I check all that has been mentioned, expecting that maybe someone has remembered to ask how I am doing. Or maybe someone has thought to leave me a message, saying that “Everything’s going to be alright.” I have lived with all those expectations hanging by my side. Maybe, when it is your own doing, you tend to think that other people will do the same to you. Well, it is not always a two-way road. No offense meant to those persons who are willing to lend a shoulder, but I do feel alone. I know they have told me that it isn’t true, but what can I do if it’s what I am feeling?
A few minutes ago, or seemed like an hour already, I read (or seen) something that literally urged me to throw my laptop and crash it into pieces. Well, that happens when you let it creep into you, then be led by your emotions. Sometimes, human emotions are not that reliable especially when you know you are at the peak of it. When you are happy, you tend to say things, or moreover, you tend to make promises because at that moment, you are sure to yourself that you are willing to have it executed. But when you are sad/angry, you know that you can’t control the words you blurt out. It seems like there’s no filter to everything that you say, and that’s why others are hurt with just the words that pierced into them. You see the euphoria-dysphoria relationship here? Punches may hurt your body, but I think you will agree with me that it is easier to attend to physical pains, but it’s always a lot harder to deal with emotional bruises.
Well, going back to my dilemma earlier. I really wanted to cry. I don’t know, there’s much no reason for me to do it, but I just felt I need to do it to release the heaviness of what I am feeling. But just like any other out there who is indecisive like me, I chose to take a deep breath. I think that’s the deepest breath I took in my entire life. Maybe I am exaggerating a little bit, but it helped me through the process, you know. Then I clicked on my virtual bible, and came stumbling upon this particular verse:
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
– 1 Peter 5:10
Suddenly, I felt a little better, then I find myself smiling. Next thing I know, I am tweeting this: I don’t know how it works, but the word of God helps in ways I have never expected. So, this is what I am missing all this time?
20 years. Statistically, I have already lived 33% of my life. So, I have 77% left. Looking back, oh wait. I think I don’t have any business of what I will find when I look back. What matters most now is about how I will spend my remaining days living up to His glory.
I know I will stumble and trip and stagger more than a hundred times on this path I choose to walk on. But as the movie said it, BRING IT ON. Starting today, and up to the ends of eternity, I will not be afraid to fall short on my knees. Because, I know, the One who is responsible for the tripping, is also the One who will attend to my bruises that earthly medication will never be able to heal. I know it will be a long and winding road, but I rather have His promise buried in my heart than to depend on anyone else’s.
I guess, I have now my three most therapeutic things in life. And some are rearranged. Third, blogging. Second, talking. And the first, reading His word. Because by doing this one, even though a lot of people have turned their backs on me, I feel like I am the luckiest and most important person in the world. Why? Because I love the God who has the perfect definition of love. And with that, I feel more secure. Give it a try. It never hurts to try something new, right?