I’ve never seen her as beautiful as she was during those very few seconds.
She was doing our laundry. Wearing a red shirt, her hair tied in a messy bun, and a perfect smile on her face; something I have never seen before.
We had been to social gatherings that required us to be in our best dress and flashy jewelries. But the fact is, she never spent thousands of pesos for a night of glamour, yet, you can tell that she stands out in a crowd. I was with her as she smiled for photo ops. I had countless chances to capture her happy moments. But behind every smile and laughter is something that one is always afraid to talk about, pain.
I was the type of person who’s afraid to confide to others the problems I’m dealing with. It was only during the time of my life that I’ve been so down that those others turned into a very few people that I truly trust. I met them just as I needed someone who’ll just listen, yet, will give effective pieces of advice. And then, it hit me. I searched deep and wide, only to realize I already have the best person I needed all this time.
It doesn’t bother me to admit that I am in pain. It’s an inevitable part of life that you and I must always deal with. But when I’m hurt, she is the last person that must have the knowledge of it. As much as possible, if I can get through the pain by myself, I wouldn’t let her know. Because me being in pain is a disappointment. What is painful to me is far more hurtful for her. She already has her share of impediments, it would only be unfair if I add up to that.
She is always supportive in whatever I do, even though it makes her to choose where to stand. I am a daughter who is always favored, and it’s because of her. A couple of times, I’ve taken her for granted, only to realize she gave more than what she has. I have in mind, always, what she is to me. But there are chances that I am forgetting who she really is in my life.
She can’t give me the latest and hottest gadgets in town, but she reared me into a lady who can be trusted to perform tasks. She can’t bring me to places that I dream to visit, but without her, I wouldn’t be here where I am now. She can’t give me the most expensive shoes and bags, but she imparted to me the love that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
Five years, 10 years from now, I would be a totally different person. I may be attending to big responsibilities, providing for a family of my own, maybe old friends won’t even recognize me because of the changes I embraced. But I know, deep in me, that even though I turn into the best or worst person one could ever know, she is the only one in this world who won’t give up no matter whoever I become.
Now, she isn’t the best mother in the world; she has imperfections in her ways as a parent; and she has flaws that can even scar my heart. But she is my perfect example of why I should continue aspiring for the things that would make me the best person I want to be.
I may not be here tomorrow because of an unpredictable turn of events. But I know I won’t have regrets because I’ve finally chosen where I stand; and it is beside my mother. Nothing and no one can hurt her without going through me first, and before that happens, all hell will break loose.
These words will never be enough to express how important you are to me. I will do whatever it takes so that I can always see that very smile that comforted this lost girl. But know that you won’t lose me, no matter what. I love you, mommy. So much.