I miss everything that there is in a relationship.
You see, a few months back, I didn’t want to see couples in public places holding hands, eating together, laying one’s head to the other’s shoulder; name it. It was sickening for me, more of annoying actually. I don’t know. Maybe it was really painful that I didn’t want others to become happy because of the romantic relationship they are in.
But I grew tired of it. I hated myself for hating these couples when they are not doing anything that would make me feel… alone. It was I who chose to stay away. It was my decision to stray away from people just because I thought I didn’t deserve to be comforted. It was my choice to push them away for the thinking that they might hurt me. Again, it was tiring. Very tiring.
I used to think that I know everything about relationships. I even called myself a veteran because of the fact that I was once in one. Yes. I was Ms. Know-it-all. Yeah right, Daine. Yeah right. I was so annoying I want to punch my old self… Oh, too much violence. But maybe, just one?
To cut short all my thoughts, I miss all the things that concern love. I miss the butterflies in my stomach before I get to see him; the grin plastered on my face when he tells a joke only the two of us understand; the anticipation when my mobile played your ringtone; the good morning and good night messages that greet me; and the effect of that ultimate line that made me fall. I miss it. I long for it.
However, despite the absence of these in my life, I have saved, and I am saving myself from a lot of things: the frustration of not being with him when he gets a promotion at work; the worry of having an empty-battery phone that results to not being able to text him where you are, who you are with, what time you’ll be home; the impatience while staring at the clock, waiting; the pain of misunderstanding; and the heartbreak of broken promises.
I was wrong. Experience taught me that you should be willing to do all of these to the only One who’s worth it: JESUS. It is okay to be frustrated, as long as you know to whom you’ll cast your anxieties (1 Peter 5:7). It is okay to worry, as long as you know what He will never permit (Psalm 55:22). It is okay to wait, but wait patiently (Hebrews 6:15). Pain is okay, only if you know that it is nothing compared to glory to be revealed to us (Romans 8:18). And heartbreaks are absolutely no-brainers if you know what impossible means with God (Luke 1:37).
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).
God’s love includes the whole world. All that are living in it. All that has life, even those who don’t know who Jesus is. All the world. And here I am thinking of myself. Thinking of how to find that one person to spend my life with when as a matter of fact, Lord God has given me the mission to reach to the world.
Maybe I’ll get married at 25. Or tomorrow. Or whenever. What I do not know is how will I be in that next relationship I’m going to be in. Different person. Different perspective. Different heart. What I am sure is that it will be the greatest love story one could ever hope for because it is approved by the perfect definition of love: Jesus Christ.
All bible verses are taken from ESV.